ROOMMATES
Before I proceed with this piece, I must begin with a preamble for obvious reasons.
- This compilation of my observations is not in any way intended to attack any person or group of persons. Although the examples stated herein are true events that have taken place, are taking place and will take place, the intent is to look at the hilarity that they generate
- The true intent is to inspire roommates to tolerate and respect one another and if possible resolve any conflicts existing.
- All names related to any event stated herein are withheld except that of my roommate, Elikem.
With that out of the way, let me get to the crust of the issue. Roommates. The mere mention of the word generates different emotions in different people depending who you are talking to. Some would leap with joy, some would frown, some would scream, and some, just indifference. My candid opinion of having a roommate is that there is something to be learnt from being in a room with another person.
Now according to an environmental officer I met in Akropong, a 12 x 12 feet room should hold two adults and two children, anything beyond this is considered overcrowding. A cursory look at my roommate Elikem (“the adult” of course) and I (“the child”) and the room we have in BQ would quickly reveal that we are grossly violating some Acts and Criminal codes of the laws of the land. And this is where part of the problem stems from. Space.
Secondly, the opportunity to choose who should be your roomie is very rare and so we find ourselves from different backgrounds, with diverse persona and upbringing juggled up together and thrown into one room to co-habitate. And when our egos, as huge as they are, constantly rub against each other in that little space our school calls a room, injuries are incurred.
Whether you agree with me or not, all roommates enter into a silent room agreement, a sacred covenant which both parties are to observe to the letter. I can’t give physical proof of this but I assure you, they exist. The irony is that the full details of these covenants are never known completely, but one day at a time, each of these rules is spelled out and must of necessity be duly noted and observed.
Of all the threats that violate the silent agreement, none is gravest than narrowing the roommate, an entity of animosity. Now according to Agbodeka Duke K. narrowing is an intimate interaction with a boy-/girlfriend through any medium (phone, skype, email) and not merely the physical presence of the boy-/girlfriend in the room in question with the deliberate intent of inflicting psychological, emotional and physical harm to a roommate. This has been an issue of contention for as long as students had to share rooms. Some roommates even go to the infuriating extent of narrowing you with their siblings, parents, even pets. Ooh God, help us. The most common presentation of this harm is the mid night calls. If you are in such a predicament I know what you are going through. The sheepish grins, the whisperings, the giggles, the laughter. And this takes place only when you are trying to sleep, not any other time.
Then there are roommates who live in the same room but have managed to draw an imaginary line of division so that everything is shared in the room, right from the dust particles that make the room dusty to visitors that enter the room. As a visitor, depending on which side of this imaginary line you choose to stand, you would receive the warm reception of one roomie and the cold of the other. Initially, such pairs of roomies confused me a lot, but as I discovered, the key is to identify this imaginary line and stay on it when you enter and interacting collectively with both so that neither can decide whether you are for or against. Once your neutrality is compromised, you've lost one.
The mismatch class. They are like day and night occurring in the same room. Have you ever entered a room where one half of the room is clean and ordered and everything is in its right place and the other half has everything strewn all about like a jungle of books, clothing, bowls and containers? If they share a fridge, one half of it would contain clean bowls with stews and edible food and the other half would be habouring bowls culturing bacteria, algae and all sorts of dangerous microbes. The book shelves are the primary indicators in this case since they are the first to be seen, and they give this class of roommates away. And mind you, both are not breaching the silent agreement. The orderly roommate agrees to keep the room neat and tidy while the other promises to keep the room messed up. That is the agreement both have entered into and must stick to it.
The meanest roomies are the ones who conveniently forget that they have a roommate. The TV, laptop or radio is kept at full volume, visitors are brought in and entertained at any hour whether you are clothed or naked, strange concoctions with strange odors are brewed as meals and you can’t avoid inhaling them. They even threaten to kill your pet cat (my hostel is BQ). And when they decide to “ascend into the spirit” at an odd hour, you are done for. Your sleep will elude you. They cause you to live in constant anxiety and the fear of their unknown vicious activities haunts, your very being is under constant threat, and you are losing weight. When they are awake they are causing you havoc, when even they are asleep they are snoring to disturb you.
Then there are the roommates with parasitic tendencies. They will not help you cook but when it is done they will eat most of it, they will not buy you credits but they share your phone with you, they will not sweep the room but would gladly litter it, they will not buy the books but would use and misplace them etc…etc...I am sure you’ve met this kind. They prey on their roomies without mercy. They have nothing but they own everything. They give your things away like it’s nobody’s business. You even catch yourself sometimes asking them permission to use your own stuff. Can you imagine?! You come back from school and all your stew is gone with the added insult of the bowl left unwashed awaiting your arrival. When you enter, the room literally yells wo expecti something different anaaa… For such a roommate, I say one year of co-tenancy is enough.
There are the commensurable or neutral types that you hardly even remember are around. They never get in your way. They move quietly, talk quietly, and sleep quietly. They don’t even snore. They are out all day and come back quietly when you are asleep. If you are the type that cherishes the company of your roomie you would find them a bore, but believe you me, majority of us would trade off our mothers for nothing to get roomies like that.
Symbiotic interactions between roommates are rare but they exist. It is normally observed between a senior and a junior who have ended up as roomies. Imagine being “worshiped” by a junior colleague and he/she places him-/herself at your beck and call. You wake up to breakfast, your water for bathing is fetched for you; your clothes are ironed and even sometimes washed etc… And all these perks not because he/she wants a favour but just because your roomie adores you and looks up to. I knew of such a pair but they are no more because the senior graduated and left. Rewardingly, the roomie who used to serve has just gotten a junior roommate of his own kind. Imagine that. His service is being rewarded. God is faithful. That notwithstanding, I know of classmates who are roomies and are the best of friends. They do everything together and it is just fun sharing their company.
I have watched people go from best friends to worst friends because they became roommates, proving that some seemingly innocuous event takes place in the room and becomes a constant grievance that gradually tears them apart. Half of the time the offending party is oblivious of his/her action. Half of the time the roommates are ladies. The best way to deal with this situation is to communicate and dialogue with your roomie, isolate the offending “pathogen” and crush it.
I believe that roommates can be compatible, but finding the right person is the issue. Maybe the Okaikois, the Nyankopongs, the Adiamahs, and the Colins and any other computer guru can think of developing a software for pairing roommates up. You input your information and Walaa, the name of your compatible roomie comes up. I even have a name for it. We could call it the ROOMMATOMETER.
By and large, the “ingredients” needed to keep a healthy relationship with your roommate are love, tolerance and endurance. There is an adage that says “you can choose to throw your hands as far as you want but it must not go beyond the point where someone else’s nose begin.”
Once again, I apologize to anyone who, as a direct result of stumbling upon this article “is being pricked by the pastor’s pineapple”. I am just looking at the other side of the dice. No evil intentions meant.
I like to acknowledge my floor mates in BQ who inspire me a lot and especially my roommate, Elikem, who even though has subjected me to HALF of all the predicaments I have mentioned, is still the best roommate ever, and last but not the least my pet cat, Iddi.
By the way, I am up by 7am everyday. If there is no sign of me by then tomorrow morning, call the police, the culprit should be easy to find.
The sequel to this would be the nomenclature and classifications of Roommates, if I am not assassinated.
Duke.
